Things I learned from running

I know that if I have a bad run today, tomorrow is another chance to be spectacular. I don't need a lot. Shoes, sock, running bra, shorts. Watch and iPod are nice to haves, not need to haves. Know the difference. Listen to my body and trust what it tells me. Drink before I'm thirsty, pain is not a chance to suck it up, take the opportunity to blow it out on the good days. Prepare for the future. Running more than an hour - bring Gu. Have lunch handy after a long run. Tuck a $20 in my pocket for long runs in that remote chance that you need to come by cab instead of by foot. Prioritize where the money goes. Shoes are important, and cost is no issue if they take care of my feet/legs/hips. Shorts just need to cover my ass, though riding up is a deal-breaker. I'm okay on my own. I like running with groups, and have met great friends that way. But on my own, I set my pace, head out at those obscenely early hours that I like. It's okay to be average sometimes, to just get out there and try. I'm not genetically designed to be fast. I'm big and lumbering, and am happy to take pride in a sub-10-minute race pace. Keep happy babies.

My love story

We met at work. You interviewed me, in fact, my head all around how much I wanted this job, not around your tall strong body, your long capable hands. Later, when I had the job, we were together constantly, you teaching me, me teaching you, finding each other out. You ran too, 22 marathons to my 3 then. Then we went to Barcelona. Three days of work, you asked if I wanted to stay a couple of extra days, since we were making the trip. Business, business, then mid-day Friday, we were free, wandering the streets. Later, dinner, another colleague with us, eating, laughing, drinking, until 4 in the morning when we wandered off to our hotel, co-worker off to another. We walked the streets, you carrying my shoes, tall and happy beside me. And then, sudden, unexpected, you were kissing me, telling me how proud you were of my finishing the marathon days before, telling me you loved me.Two days later, we were back in Chicago, back in our real lives, and I couldn't stop thinking about you. We spent three months figuring things out, seeing each other at work every day, keeping it all secret, talking for hours to and from work. The turning point came at New Year's - you had the flu. I came to take care of you and sort of never left. There are moments that are frozen for me, after the kiss in Barcelona. In January we were in London with a group from work, riding in a van with everyone, you reached down in the dark and cupped my calf gently in your hand, secretly caressing me. Then it was March, we'd been dating six months. We'd been traveling together for work for weeks. Then, I went to Rome to run the marathon, you went to Aspen to ski. After the run, I sent you a text telling you I had finished, fine, good time. You sent back "So proud of you, congratulations. Now come home." Later, of course, it fell apart, but for a few moments it was perfect and great. Two years later, we've regained some of the friendship. We talk, we had dinner here a few weeks ago, and it was funny and good, but the longings are gone for me. You saved me, and for that I'm always grateful.

Giving in to the need

It came in on calloused feet

covering me

like a hat i didn't know that i needed

or wanted

appearing suddenly in my hands

comforting and soft

somehow familiar

somehow foreign

i'd distanced myself from the need

in order to not want it

because it was easy

and i was lazy

or perhaps a cynic

but discovering one day that i was cold

my bones frozen

afraid that it would be too late

i will give in to it

just a little

She gives me what I need

My family is still in the south, and my parents still struggle with why I live in New York and not Atlanta. Nothing against Atlanta, but it doesn't hold me the way that New York does (Chicago was even more nurturing until I got my heart broken there, but that's another story). New York gives me miles to explore, dozens of museums to wander, music, food, wine, people of all varieties to broaden my mind. When I run, she gives me tree-lined paths in the Park, or river views on the West side, and hundreds of companion runners. In the fall, it will give me the marathon just a few steps from my front door. Yea, she can be a royal pain in the ass, but I love her all the same. That being said, I have a faint yearning for a big dog and a deck for grilling and summer wine. do good darlings

How do I explain this life?

How do I explain that I don't know where I am going to be from week to week? That I'm away from home most of the week, and that when I come home, sometimes I just need to sleep. That even when I'm on the road, it's almost impossible to get five minutes of privacy for a personal call during the day. Sure, when you're in your late 20's, just coming out of b-school, this job is probably good, its probably fun to travel, collect millions of mileage points, and build up the resume. But me, I'm 41 for Pete's sake. I love to travel, but after the first couple of weeks on an assignment, I'm missing my bed and resentful that I don't have any say in most aspects of my life Mon-Thurs. That being said, I've got a good life, live in a city I love, work with wicked smart people, and like the work itself. Quit ya bitchin' and get to work.